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terça-feira, 16 de outubro de 2012

Help! Am I overly Critical?

Help! Criticism!

Today I was still in bed, when I had to confront the person who is  the hardest on me: Myself
One thing I have learned in my journey is that in order to go 'higher' I have to go  "deeper" first... it requires courage because it is not a very easy task. 

Most of us would rather not think too much about the inner self ... perhaps because we are afraid of something that can surface. 
The truth is that if you do not know  yourself, the enemy already has another advantage over you, because he knows you very well! He knows all your weaknesses, your virtues and  he also knows what to do to hit  'a nerve'. He knows what makes you happy and what makes you angry, he knows what motivates you and  what makes you lose hope; Boy! He has 6000 years of studying mankind! 

Do you know yourself? Do You know why you react the way you react in certain situations? 

I love the author Joyce Meyer, and in these last eight years, God has used her life and ministry to teach me sooooo many things. In her book "Me and my big mouth," she says we should do a fast of words, like, a fast of criticism for example. I thought that was great! And it was in one of those fasts that I realized how much I can be overly critical. Not so much of strangers and friends, but mostly of myself and close relatives. Criticism is sin and we need to be careful. 

So, I learned to ask myself when I hear or think about passing on  a criticism: 

 a) what is my intention (or the intention of the person criticizing)? 

b) Is it true?  (It's amazing how we err here! Don't judge a book by its cover.)

c) Who is saying?  

d) This thing that I am about to say (or someone is saying to me) is being said in love? 

If you ask these questions, you will think twice before criticizing or accepting any criticism! 

And what does the Bible say about it? 

Not judge, or you too will be judged. 
'Cause the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and the measure you use, it will be measured to you. "  
Matthew 7:1-2

Yeah, when I judge / condemn someone, I'm opening myself up to receive the same from God. The same measure I use to judge / condemn someone (too much judgment, medium or  little), is the same as God will use back on me.

I discovered that the spirit of criticism  is responsible for many divorces and failed relationships, 
he has a very close relative: Offense- (I have a whole post about it HERE)

So? You must be wondering if you are  an overly critical/intolerant person...

Answer honestly:

  • You're always finding something wrong with the people who the closest to you?
  • You find it difficult to accept the minor faults of others?
  • People think you're a judgemental  person?
  • You find it hard to see good things in others?
  • You think you're always right?
  • Do you think  that most of the time people think you are arrogant?
  • You're easily ticked off by the habits and mannerisms of others?

I learned dealing with people, that nobody is what it is by chance. There is always a reason to act the way we act.

If you are a person too critical and intolerant, one of the causes may be:

  • Frustration with your life;
  • Envy of others;
  • Targets not achieved;
  • Anger;
  • General Unhappiness;
  • Feeling abused by others (feel you've been taking advantage of);
  • Don't like yourself;
  • Feeling cursed or unlucky in some way;
  • Being a religious person (Pharisaic spirit);
  • You had Parents who were  extremely hard to please;

How to improve?

  1. First  thing is to be confronted with the truth, and I think that is the hardest part!
  2. After is  praying to God  with your  little heart open and willing to change. Do not feel guilty! Guilt kills, but repentance (which is a change of mind and direction), is what really brings healing and lasting change.
  3. Ask someone you trust to help you - someone to let you know when you are  being too critical and / or intolerant.  
  4. Know that it is a process. Some days are better than others. Keep progressing and celebrating your progress!
If you are a leader remember this: 
Pointing out faults is 10% of the work. Great criticism is always constructive; done well it changes people. Criticism is essential but its power is overrated.

God bless 

See you next time!

Pr Raquel Davis

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